To be a hero
by Forbular
Summary: In reality, heroes are those who are jaded enough, and hurt enough and deprived enough and sick and tired enough not to give a damn.' Tensions and the resistance is rising but death is allready plaguing the lifes of those ar hogwarts, power draws at the mind of the weak and even the strong dont allways see clearly. Trust is ever more dangerous and love even more so.
1. Prologue

"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live,"

-Bette Midler

* * *

PROLOGUE

people think heroes are supposed to be noble. In reality, heroes are those who are jaded enough, and hurt enough and deprived enough and sick and tired enough not to give a damn.'

Lily climbed through the portrait hole in the wall of the Gryffindor common room and into the round heads common room expecting it to be empty. Pale dawn light was creeping through the diamond patterned leaded windows and across the floor. But crumpled into the corner of one of the sofas was one James Potter. Pity tugged at her heart as she saw the red rims of his eyes behind the glasses that were pushed askew on his usually angular face that was puffy with the nights tears, a near empty bottle of fire whisky hung from his hand and from the way his body was angled it was clear that he had fallen asleep staring into the dyeing flames the cushion that was still oozing stuffing, soaking up his tears.

She curled up in the sofa opposite to him, the coffee table between the two seeming a lot wider than it ever had before as she pulled a book form the mantle and opened it. She found herself staring at its leafs unseeingly as she waited for the head boy to wake up, she wanted to go to sleep herself and could feel the effects of the previous nights drinking dragging at her limbs, much like the nail varnish she was itching to remove, remnants of a night sneaking out to Hogsmeade that it was better to forget.

She must have fallen asleep because the next moment she was aware of there was an uncomfortable ache in her neck and the light was bright behind her closed eyelids, she rolled over hoping to black the glare and find a more comfortable position. There was an almighty crash as the heavy book that had been on her lap careened into the coffee table.

Both Lily and James jerked upright, immediately wide awake, groping for their wands, in his case with the bottle holding the bottle, sloshing the liquid over the upholstery. Their eyes shifted around the room body's tensed as they tried to locate the source of the disturbance eventually coming to rest on the offending object

"My bad. Sorry Po-James" she said, the feel of his first name still foreign in her mouth, they were trying to be civil to each other, but old habits die hard.

"It's ok Lily" he sighed relaxing back into the sodden cushions his previously alert frame deflating. "Where were you last night? I didn't hear you come in" he asked, bringing the bottle to his lips and draining the final drops

"I went out, hope you didn't wait up. I got in round six, you were out of It." she sent a significant look at his right hand, which still cradled the fire whisky bottle "were you drinking with the guys earlier?"

"No just me" he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassed "what were you up to?" he asked changing the subject a little too quickly

"Hogs head" she answered shortly ignoring the way his eyes bulged in surprised, he opened his mouth to say something but she forestalled him "people are bigger than the boxes you put them in Potter" she snapped waspishly, she was relatively close to him and even more so to the rest of the marauders but few other than her best friends Marlene and Dorcas seemed to be able to see past the badge on her chest and exam results to her name. James held up his hands in defence

"Peace. easy tiger lily, im just impressed that you got past the extra security" of course he was, he was probably surprised she knew where the hogs head was.

"Sure sure, now why have you turned into a raging alcoholic?" she demanded, blunt as ever

"I don't know what you're on about"

"You opened that bottle last night, and if you were really alone you drank enough to kill a horse. You like drinking but don't like getting properly pissed for the hell of it, hence something is wrong, so you either tell me or I get Sirius on the case so I suggest you tell me". He seemed to struggle for an answer for a few seconds then seemed to sag inwards, as though admitting defeat

"Just the future, were leaving in the summer. No more protection. Anything we do reflects on people we care about, I don't know how we're going to cope "

"James why are you worrying, it's not even Christmas yet, we've got months "

"We can't just put this off and bury our heads in the sand Lily we've got to stick our heels in and stand up for what we believe in, I would have thought you of all people would understand that"

"I'm not suggesting you do. but if your that hell bent of fighting then why did you drink and cry yourself to sleep last night?" she snapped. He started to protest but she cut across him "It's all pipe smoke and a noble cause to you isn't it James? But if you're getting cold feet already then don't put your neck on the line and don't expect sympathy from me when you realise that it's not isolated to you getting a good fight then coming home to a family dinner" he looked as though she had slapped him. Then he face coloured to match the Gryffindor upholstery

"Once were out of Hogwarts people will die Evans, people we know and care about, and if we fight, It'll be even worse they'll target anyone we care about to hurt and control us" he shouted at her. She was shocked, his anger had never been directed at her before and she was impressed by how intimidating he could be.

"What's this we Potter? You don't have to take sides, you're safe, even if you're a blood traitor the worst thing Voldemort-" she glared at the uneasy twitch he gave at the name "will do to you is try to get you on his side. It's the Mudbloods like me who wont be able to get a job, who have a life expectancy of zero and you know what I don't give a fuck. I'm going to die. were all going to die, as soon as I step out of this castle, without a filthy great skull on my forearm I'm top of that hit list so I'll take as many of them as I can with me so screw the consequences" she bellowed the last few words at him, her chest heaving, her face flushed

"You think I'm not going to fight those filthy hypocrites? You think your alone in this the, self-richous Evans on a fucking suicide mission, just because I'm pureblood doesn't mean I'm a filthy death eater"

"I'm saying that this is a war James" her voice was suddenly soft, gentle, almost pitying "It's a war that were outnumbered in, twenty to one, the truth is that we'll risk it all and it may well be for nothing and it you're going to fight you need to know the truth; we need to live fully, believe fully, and fight as damn we'll hard as we can. Do what you want with your life, just don't question me when you know absolutely fuck all." There was no venom in her voice only the steely determination of someone who believes in every word they say

"Lily you can't give up like that, we'll all get through this and we need to believe that"

"James, my parents are dead." It was a fact, blunt, short, simple and that was how she said it

"I'm so sor-"

"It won't bring them back. I don't need pity, I just need you to understand; this isn't daring, nerve and chivalry, there's no gleaming suits of armour and it'll be a miracle if there's a happy ending. If you want to fight talk to Dumbledore and he might give you the means to do it" James only stared at her- dumbstruck

"Never change, never grow up James. Just understand what you're doing before you throw your life away on delusions of grandeur"

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Authors note: i know theres no excuse but im sorry for any spelling/ grammar mistakes this was typed up in a free lesson today because id been meaning to do it for ages but not had time. PLEASE reveiw, i was thinking this could be a prologue but its set sort of in the middle of the story line so im really curious about what people think (im writing some of my own stuff aswell so its a question of how to split the time)

Flames/ negative reveiws/ nice reweiws/ construstive reveiws all appreciated :) xxx


	2. Chapter 1- 3 months earlier

Chapter 1

"Show me a hero, and I'll write you a tragedy."  
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

forgot to write this on the prologue but Rowling owns this not me :'(

* * *

3 months earlier

"Charlie!" Lily yelled as she tackled him nearly knocking him into a barrel of eels eyes outside an apothecary  
"God woman are you trying to break my ribs" he laughed hugging her in return and mussing her hair into a red mane around her face. She pulled back, surveying him, his hair as red as hers, face dotted with freckles and eyes bright blue, his face still slightly childlike in its roundness seeming inherently innocent, belying his absurd height.  
"I swear you've gotten taller again" she complained pouting as he set her back on her feet  
"You saw me last week" he grinned rolling his eyes  
"It's possible, you're a Weasley after all Arthur grew about a foot in a month, your mum went spare"  
"Point taken but you're still a midget" he countered, she laughed punching him gently on the arm  
"Size is no guarantee of power" she winked as they started walking down Diagon alley towards Florien Fortescues.

As they entered Florien greeted them cheerfully "what'll you two lovebirds be wanting then?" Both Lily and Charlie laughed at that  
"Sorry Florien were still just friends" Charlie corrected good-naturedly  
"Why?" He asked petulantly "come on you two I will have my way eventually" he warned them waving his ice cream scoop reprovingly at them  
"If you say so but I'll have to get through her legion of admirers first" Charlie sighed elbowing Lily as she snorted with laughter  
"Its hungry work" he added looking meaningfully at the shop owner who grinned at him  
"The usual?" He checked  
"Yes please" they confirmed. He loaded a large sundae glass full of ice-cream and added two spoons  
"When are you going to come stay with us this Holliday Lils?"  
"I think i'm coming over next week, Alice hasn't let me know what's going on yet, I think the folks are fine with whatever" Florien nodded  
"No charge" he said pushing it across the counter towards them with a wink, they smiled in thanks and sat on the high stools by the bar so they could still talk to him when he wasn't serving.

As the two simultaneously tucked into the ice cream they probably looked like the perfect couple, indeed Lily Evans and Charlie Weasley had that easy familiarity and comfortable intimacy associated with sweethearts.  
However they were in reality far more like siblings; matching flaming red hair, toned muscles, slightly burnt skin across their noses form long days in the sun and happy, easy familiarity of those who seemed to be perpetually among friends. If it weren't for them being different in almost anything except colouring they would have looked like siblilngs, where Charlie was child like, lily's features were defined, almost cat-like with her green almond eyes under arched eyebrows, where Charlie was tall lily was relatively short.

As they ate they watched the customers come and go for a while until their spoons started scraping the bottom of the glass  
"So Lils what do you feel like doing today?" He prompted  
"We can go flying or if its dried out at the normal place we can go climbing, though I still don't see why you won't give my motorbike a go"  
"If you want to play with that death trap with someone then ask Black I'm not going near it with a barge pole"  
"Come on Charlie, Arthur reckons we could even make a few magical alterations to it"  
"In that case I want to go near it even less, my brother is as insane as you are miss Evans, you aren't ever getting me on that thing, besides apparating's faster"  
"Fine" lily pouted

"So you two what's happening at Hogwarts?" Florien asked as he whisked the empty sundae glass away  
"Like Alice hasn't already told you" Lily grumbled, though not really minding the conversation  
"James Potter's getting hexed multiple times a day courtesy of lily dear" Charlie grinned maniacally Florien laughed,  
"Too bad you lot were only in second year when I left it would have livened stuff up"  
"Stop exaggerating Charlie it's not that bad" lily flicked him on the back of the head  
"Lily. That's because you invented a spell to stick his tongue to the roof of him mouth" Charlie rolled his eyes  
"It's not my fault he knows the castle just as well as me, I've only got about three hiding places left" she complained exasperated  
Florien chuckled at their exchange.  
"So, if potters getting hexed and Charlie's 'just a friend'" he framed quote marks with his fingers around the words  
"Then who's the special guy for the lovely Lily?"  
"Don't call me that Flossie and I've told you before besides Marlene and Alice I just prefer Guys company, your all less complicated." "and I dumped Diggory last week" she added as an afterthought  
"Are you sure you're not secretly a girl Florry? Cause I swear you like gossiping even more than Marley"  
"All man here Evans you can ask the girlfriend" he winked at her and she rolled her eyes, screwing her face up in disgust.  
They chatted amicably for a while until the lunch rush came and they left Florien to his work.

"Soooo." Lily dragged out the word as the dawdled back up the street towards the Leaky Cauldron walking backwards ahead of Charlie so she was facing him as she walked, grateful of the comparatively empty street this early in the holiday  
"I feel like a swim" she grinned  
"The beach?" Charlie suggested, she nodded  
"Yup, let's go freeze our asses off in the sea" she grinned taking his hand and twisting on the spot as they were both squeezed through the tiny rubber tube that was apparition.

Hours later found the soggy pair sitting by a fire on a deserted beach; Lily curled up against Charlie's chest enjoying the heat of the flames in front of her and the comfort of Charlie behind her.  
"We should be getting back you know?" Charlie prompted her, his voice husky with sleep. Lily yawned deeply  
"Yeah, no doubt Mum'll want to feed you to within an inch of your life and tuck you up in the spare room, I swear she always wanted a son" she teased, poking a bicep through the damp jersey of his shirt  
"Exactly I'm missing my momma Rosie"  
"Ok then let's get back to mine, even mum wont feed you if we turn up after eleven" she smiled, sitting up and supporting her own weight for what felt like the first time in hours and stretching like a cat and offering her friend a hand up. Within minutes they had buried the fire in sand and collected the empty butterbeer bottles that had been sunk in the sand and were apparating back to Cokeworth.

As soon as their feet hit the pavement of Lily's street, she could tell something was wrong. There was a chill in the air and the streetlamps seemed dimmer than usual, for reasons she couldn't quite explain she felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickling. She didn't bother trying to make Charlie go home, it would only waste time. They crept up the garden path, subtly pulling her wand out of her sleeve and holding it ready, ignoring the strange look she was receiving from Charlie  
"Don't ask, just do it" she whispered harshly, as she pushed the door open gently, as she peered through the sitting room she saw her father, asleep in the armchair. But no. That wasn't right, that was mums chair.

As she crept closer to the doorway a figure in black came into view, a foot wearing an elegant heeled shoe poking out from behind the sofa.  
She bit back a gasp refusing to compute what she was seeing, she couldn't look. As though sensing her presence the figure in black turned to face her, Lily didn't fight the gasp that rose from her. The man had longish hair, waxy skin, hollow cheeks, and, and, red eyes. She recognised his face from pictures from blood purity talks, the admiring descriptions she'd accidentally heard from older Slytherins while once hiding from Potter.

Lord Voldemort  
"What use was this?" she demanded hollowly  
"The cleansing of the earth" she fought a shiver as his grating voice seemed to surround her  
"Then why haven't you tried to kill me?" she asked still holding her wand raised, not letting his loosely held wand at his side fool her into a false sense of security  
"Because that would be a waste of talent" he stated flatly, "Despite your inferior birth it would be foolish to deny your power, you have been perfecting magic of all types for years, power like yours needs refining, the type that can only be given by one undertaking similar journeys"  
"Cut the crap and get on with It." she snapped  
"They were right you do have spirit" he mused out loud taking a step closer "We could use a powerful witch such as yourself"  
"And you convince me how? By murdering my family?" she spat, red sparks shooting from the end of her wand in her fury  
"Muggles." He dismissed  
"Just like your father then eh?" she snapped ignoring Charlie's warning grip on her wrist hidden by the door jam. Voldemort looked like she had slapped him  
"Impertinent aren't you?" he mused, she jerked her chin up in defiance, she knew she had no chance against him, she had no idea how she could get her and Charlie out of here but she knew one thing, she wasn't going down without a fight.  
"Crucio" he said almost lazily. Shaking Charlie hand off, she dodged the curse, thanking their hours of sports and training.  
"Don't deny the truth" she spat at him  
"I take it you're declining my most generous offer?" he demanded his voice grating on her ear drums  
"I'll join you when hell freezes over" she snapped her face twisted in disgust, they were facing each other, wands levelled. She glanced at Charlie, why didn't he have his wand out? Hadn't he had it with him?  
"Crucio." She was snapped out of her reverie by the searing agony of white hot knifes searing into her flesh. She gritted her teeth, she would not show weakness, she would not give him the satisfaction  
"No!" the shout was not her, as her vision came back into focus she Charlie's form now obscuring her view of Voldemort, unarmed. With Voldemorts wand leveled at his chest  
"No!" this time it was her scream, she lept from the floor, she didn't care about the agony of her muscles, didnt care that she was a skinny, unqualified seventeen year old girl, where as he was the most powerful dark wizard of all time. All she knew was that she wanted to hurt him as much as possible and that she didn't care how much she got hurt in return.

He would not touch Charlie.

her wand flashed before her eyes as though of its own accord as she threw hexes and cursed indiscriminately at Voldemort, forcing him to take his attention off Charlie, to focus on her, she simultaneously cast a wandless shield charm, using it not only to protect him but to pull Charlie back across the few feet between her and Voldemort, towards her.  
Voldemort though caught by surprise reacted quickly, blocking the curses, but seemed to be holding back, toying with her.  
"I will break you Lily Evans, you can't win against me", lily knew it was true but she was damned if she would give up now.  
"Criucio" The air was rent by a scream as Charlie crumpled to the floor  
Lily re doubled her efforts; if she could break his shield then his concentration would be broken. she tried desperately to block out Charlie's cries though each went through her heart like a knife.  
"This is what will happen to anyone you care about miss Evans, this is what will happen to you. If you resist, join us and they're safe."  
"Sectumsempra" she shouted with more venom than she'd ever put into the spell before, she understood the magic, dark magic, she had helped invent the spell but she had never put this level of intent behind it.  
Charlie stopped screaming as Voldemorts shield shattered, a gash rent open in his chest  
Keeping her shield up, wand covering him still lily crouched, helping support Charlie's weight as she pulled him up  
"Avedakedavra" lily never knew who the spell was aimed at but she felt Charlie twist and fall in her arms, dragging her with him until she was clutching him to her chest kneeling on the carpet torso covering his body as she stared into his beautiful blue eyes that would never again sparkle mischievously at her.

Her emotions hit like water bursting a dam as she screamed, she screamed and screamed. Around her the world went white everything except the body's scattered around her, pushed outwards in a great white pulsing wave of energy before she sunk into oblivion. down. down. down.

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**Sorry i took so long to update, as you all know its exam time right now and i Kinda cant get any thing but an A in all four of my A-levels (As level bit of) **

**Please review and let me know what you think (i could do with a bit of feedback now and then) **


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